Wahls Protocol : Day 11, Anger is a Monkey Wrench!

Following a diet is most challenging to me when I am either busy with a project and don’t want to take the time to make special food, or when I get mad.  I got angry yesterday, and in my anger I went in and ate a donut and a brownie!  I didn’t call my daughters, who are my help line; I didn’t stop and analyze why my anger was throwing me off; I just ate the goodies as if somehow I was somehow punishing someone.  As if I were saying, “Hah!  So there!  Now see what you made me do!”  And there was some smugness involved.

Thinking about it later I wondered why messing up my healthy diet was triggered by anger.  One of my mentors, Tom Frank, who taught my sweat lodge class, once told me, “When you think you are angry at someone, you are really angry at yourself.”

I thought about what Tom had said and I wondered how being mad at someone meant I was really mad at myself.  How could I be mad at myself?  I’m not the one who did the awful thing!  Looking deeply I realized that although I may be angry at someone else for what they did, I am also angry at myself for what I did, what I didn’t do, or what I allowed someone else to do to me.  What Tom said was true.  There was always an element of being angry with myself when I have been angry with someone else.

Perhaps getting mad at someone else triggered me to be angry at myself for letting someone get to me, being frustrated, feeling impotent, feeling misunderstood or abused.  My anger was with myself for not knowing how to deal with the situation effectively.  I began to self destruct.

Or, on the other hand, perhaps eating the comfort food was simply a reach for comfort during my stress of being angry.  But if that were true, why would I feel like I was punishing someone by eating unhealthy food?

Eating the donut and brownie yesterday did not make me feel better, though.  I felt more tired than I have been lately.  Good to know.

Day 2 Wahls Protocol (day 1 was yesterday, when I wrote “I’m such a hypocrite!”)

Today I felt completely sapped of energy and strength.  Probably not because of eating healthier, but most likely because all the chocolate and sugar has worn off!  I spent most of the day sleeping.  Cheryl and Amber and Kaylee took care of the horses.  I wondered if I could stick to the diet.  I worried that without chocolate and sugar I would have no energy.  I had to remind myself that I am just recovering from many days of pushing myself with stimulants and sweets, and that after I recover, I will feel more energy.

I will also take more time to study the concepts and get the proportions correct.  Right now I am just eating what I know is not taboo.

This evening I began to feel a little better so I made a frozen fruit smoothie with coconut milk.  A real treat.  The rest of the day, I ate bananas or what other people fixed, and I slept most of the day.

Day 2 Wahls Protocol (day 1 was yesterday, when I wrote "I'm such a hypocrite!")

Today I felt completely sapped of energy and strength.  Probably not because of eating healthier, but most likely because all the chocolate and sugar has worn off!  I spent most of the day sleeping.  Cheryl and Amber and Kaylee took care of the horses.  I wondered if I could stick to the diet.  I worried that without chocolate and sugar I would have no energy.  I had to remind myself that I am just recovering from many days of pushing myself with stimulants and sweets, and that after I recover, I will feel more energy.

I will also take more time to study the concepts and get the proportions correct.  Right now I am just eating what I know is not taboo.

This evening I began to feel a little better so I made a frozen fruit smoothie with coconut milk.  A real treat.  The rest of the day, I ate bananas or what other people fixed, and I slept most of the day.

I’ve Been Such a Hypocrite!

This morning as Cheryl was mucking out the stalls, Bae escaped and was gorging on the lush green grass in the yard.  Cheryl was attempting to get her back in the corral but Bae was not having it.  Every time Cheryl got close, Bae’s body language was clear as she turned and moved quickly away.  She was not about to get caught and put back.

Cheryl came and got me from the house and I followed her to the back yard to see if I could catch the seemingly ravenous horse.  Bae was eating grass as fast as she could, probably swallowing some of the leaves whole so she could stuff more into her chewing mouth.  I hid the lead rope behind my back, held out an alfalfa treat, and approached her.  Surprisingly she let me pet her and put the rope around her neck.  Fashioning a make shift halter on her head, I quickly had her under control.  I pulled her head up and she pulled back.  I forced her head up. I felt like I was taking candy from a baby.  ‘Poor girl,’ I thought, ‘she is not supposed to ever have what she loves so much.’ —  Green grass is too sugary for Bae and Honey, they are both on the brink of laminitis.  Green grass to a horse in this condition is like pure sugar to a diabetic.

As I insisted, and pulled her away from her treat, I realized what a hypocrite I am.  I am not supposed to have sugar, or chocolate, or gluten, or dairy, but for the past couple weeks as I have been pushing myself to exhaustion working on the barn among other things, I have been eating whatever I wanted, especially chocolate candy bars, to rev my body up to do my bidding.  I know this is not good for me, or for my nerves, yet I continue to self destruct by binging on work and chocolate and cereal and milk and bread!

Pulling Bae away from that green grass, and seeing myself in her, greedily destroying her health, shifted something in me.  I decided if my horses have to be on a strict diet for their health, I can take care of my health too and be on a strict diet with them.  I have been on strict diets before.  I know the benefits, but slipping into binge eating for energy, and by so doing self destruct mode, is also a pattern I recognize in myself.  Today I  begin again, in earnest, to take care of my body as I take care of my horses bodies.

My daughters have been promoting the Wahls Protocol to me, which is a type of Paleo diet, so I will focus my eating attention on following this protocol.  I wrote a short book review about the Wahls Protocal earlier in my blog.  Click here to read it.

I've Been Such a Hypocrite!

This morning as Cheryl was mucking out the stalls, Bae escaped and was gorging on the lush green grass in the yard.  Cheryl was attempting to get her back in the corral but Bae was not having it.  Every time Cheryl got close, Bae’s body language was clear as she turned and moved quickly away.  She was not about to get caught and put back.

Cheryl came and got me from the house and I followed her to the back yard to see if I could catch the seemingly ravenous horse.  Bae was eating grass as fast as she could, probably swallowing some of the leaves whole so she could stuff more into her chewing mouth.  I hid the lead rope behind my back, held out an alfalfa treat, and approached her.  Surprisingly she let me pet her and put the rope around her neck.  Fashioning a make shift halter on her head, I quickly had her under control.  I pulled her head up and she pulled back.  I forced her head up. I felt like I was taking candy from a baby.  ‘Poor girl,’ I thought, ‘she is not supposed to ever have what she loves so much.’ —  Green grass is too sugary for Bae and Honey, they are both on the brink of laminitis.  Green grass to a horse in this condition is like pure sugar to a diabetic.

As I insisted, and pulled her away from her treat, I realized what a hypocrite I am.  I am not supposed to have sugar, or chocolate, or gluten, or dairy, but for the past couple weeks as I have been pushing myself to exhaustion working on the barn among other things, I have been eating whatever I wanted, especially chocolate candy bars, to rev my body up to do my bidding.  I know this is not good for me, or for my nerves, yet I continue to self destruct by binging on work and chocolate and cereal and milk and bread!

Pulling Bae away from that green grass, and seeing myself in her, greedily destroying her health, shifted something in me.  I decided if my horses have to be on a strict diet for their health, I can take care of my health too and be on a strict diet with them.  I have been on strict diets before.  I know the benefits, but slipping into binge eating for energy, and by so doing self destruct mode, is also a pattern I recognize in myself.  Today I  begin again, in earnest, to take care of my body as I take care of my horses bodies.

My daughters have been promoting the Wahls Protocol to me, which is a type of Paleo diet, so I will focus my eating attention on following this protocol.  I wrote a short book review about the Wahls Protocal earlier in my blog.  Click here to read it.