Shame on me . . . OR NOT!
I’ve been reading Brene Brown’s book called Daring Greatly. Brown is a shame researcher and her book is hitting home with me, big time! I even dreamed last night about all the ways I feel shame. Let’s see, there’s the mother in me, the father in me, the little girl in me, the little boy in me, the employee in me, the employer in me, the friend to others in me . . . and there were probably more, but those are the ones I could remember consciously so far.
Shame is different from guilt. Shame is the one where one thinks ‘I am not good enough. I am not enough.’ Guilt is the one where one thinks ‘I am good enough, but I did something that was not good. I did something wrong.’ Shame is stifling and causes one to contract and feel helpless and hopeless. Guilt can bring one to action and prompt one to make things right.
In the healing series I am currently involved in, through Wilderness Fusion with Karl Direske and the other teachers, I am looking at my main addiction: disconnecting (I have learned I disconnect with myself, my emotions, and with other people in order to feel safe), and holding that evaluation up to the shame model in Brene Brown’s book. I can see how my feelings of shame and “not good enough” are contributing to my constantly disconnecting from others and from myself.
Shame is painful. Disconnecting from myself, or my pain, or disconnecting from others eases the pain of the shame. Understanding this is very healing because the “shame gremlin”does not like to be seen and understood. Understanding how shame is affecting me, and understanding how shame began when I was young and how I continue to pass it forward to everything I do, allows me to discontinue that shaming voice within me.
I highly recommend the book “Daring Greatly” by Brene Brown. I want to underline every sentence in that book! There is so much important information in there for healing and understanding shame in our lives!!