Rooftop construction yoga

When I’m on the roof, moving from Crosspoint to Crosspoint, carefully avoiding falling through the open squares, I find myself moving very slowly and very deliberately.

Then, reaching out, balancing with an outstretched leg, driving a screw just so into the boards, reminds me of holding a yoga pose.

It’s really quite enjoyable being up on top of the roof bones. I feel alive and strong. But the next day I am so sore; especially if I push myself with candy fuel to continue on for hours past my initial fatigue.

I finally have all the bones in place, however, and will start to put on the white opaque sheath which will keep the barn dry inside.

I love how the structure looks before the roof is finished. All of the lines in such a rhythmic pattern are very pretty.

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Basking at the end of the day.

I was so frustrated around 1 o’clock this afternoon because I had no energy! I called my daughter Melanie and talked to her about it and she suggested I might not be consuming enough calories. When I looked, I decided that must be true because for the last few days I had only been eating about 1200 cal a day. So I went to the health food store and bought some gluten-free brownies.  I decided to not worry about my no sugar stars and just get some energy so I can finish this barn!

I ate four brownies and two slices of Munster cheese and drank some Kombucha. This added up to 900 cal.  After that I worked for three straight hours with plenty of energy! 🙂

Then I went in, took a hot bath and went straight to bed! I was so tired I couldn’t eat any more vegetables LOL. Total calories for the day, around 1200 still. My breakfast was only 300.

Naughty, Naughty Negative Self Talk

This morning as I recorded my weight loss in the “My Net Diary” app (which is really cool BTW) it said I had lost 3.8 lbs. since August 25th.

“Well, that doesn’t seem like much,” I heard myself say to myself.

“Excuse me?  That’s not bad considering that is about a week,”  and I checked on my calendar to be sure.

“Maybe so,” the negative talk said, “but still, you’ve got a long way to go.”

“Whatever!” I retorted.  “Get out of here and leave me alone!  I am going to reach my goal no matter how long it takes so you can just stop.”

Those negative voices we hear in our heads . . . are they us or do they come from somewhere else?

That is a huge topic.  Is it our own negative voice?  Is it the “Dot People”?  Is it the devil?  Is it the dark side?

I will not attempt to say.  What is important is that we recognize that we do not have to be influenced if we are aware enough to recognize that that voice is simply the opposition.  When we realize this we are empowered to let it go and ignore that nay-sayer, Mr, Negative.

Reminds me of a cartoon I watched as a kid.  There was this elephant who had these ideas, and there was this lion who always said, “It won’t work . . . crazy elephant!”

I don’t remember any more about the cartoon, but that lion represented the negative people in our lives, the negative recordings we have in our heads, and the negative influences around us.

WE DO NOT HAVE TO LISTEN!

Phase 2 – The Stalls

The three sections on the left will be stalls with a walk-through area between the stalls and the hey Barnes. The section on the far right we will be a place for tacking up or other barn activities.

Each section is individual and less than 200 ft.². After these I will be building four overhang sections for outdoor shade and cover in front of these four sections.

“Tales of Power” a book by Carlos Castenada

When I was a teenager my father and I read the Carlos Castaneda books. Well, he read them all but I read the first few and got turned off by the selfishness of their goals.

After going to Tracker school for a couple years I decided to re-read them from a new perspective. I understood much, much more about Carlos’ experience with Don Juan because Don Juan was a coyote teacher like my teacher Tom Brown Jr. at Tracker school.

“Tales of Power” talks about the necessity of sharing stories that trigger admiration and desire in the listeners. It inspires the listeners to want the skills they are hearing about, the power displayed in the story.

There is a hero’s quest of sorts for the listener or reader of the “Tales of Power”. Hearing of the accomplishments of those who have mastered of the realms of existence opens new doors for the reader, giving them something to strive for; something to seek; a mystery to explore; a possibility to wonder about and be unsure of, which makes the reader all the more fascinated by the possibility of truth in the story.

Tom Brown Junior shared stories of Grandfather Stalking Wolf and other elders from Grandfather’s tribe. We students would listen with rapt attention, hanging on every word. Then Tom would send us out to attempt to do what he had just described. Don Juan did the same with Carlos.

Some people will say the Carlos Castaneda series are fiction. I’ve heard that before. I don’t know whether they are fact or fiction but I do know that I learned a lot from them.

The most important thing I learned by reading the Castaneda series is to stop being offended by other people. We waste a lot of energy taking offense. We waste a lot of energy in self importance. Being caught up in self importance gives others power over us because they can grab that self importance through complements or insults and jerk us around and we waste energy being affected.

It’s the same concept as “act, don’t react”. Often teachers of this sort will poke their students with either compliments or insults to see if they can get a reaction; see if they can grab their student’s self importance or if their student has overcome that trap.

It’s an interesting study to watch yourself and see if you are giving people that power or if you are holding it yourself.

I enjoyed reading “Tales of Power”. It was easy to read, fun, and fascinating. If you like stories that delve into the possibility of other realms and energy, you would probably like this book.

“The Places That Scare You” a book by Pema Chodron

I was at Brighten Bush hot springs gift store and this book jumped right out at me and grabbed me.  The cover, an image of a dark, craggy, old, leafless tree, typified the heavy, overgrown, ominous trees that tend to somehow, inexplicably, surround haunted houses.

I thought, “Who would write a book like that and put a freaky cover on it like that?  How will that attract a buyer?  That’s crazy!”

But I couldn’t resist picking it up and looking at the back to see the short comments and recommendations.  When I turned it over I was mesmerized by the photo of the author, Pema Chodron.  Her bright, smiling face, short cropped hair (a buzz to be exact), and Buddhist nun robes, didn’t speak of someone who would delve into scary places.  However, her eyes held something more than a typical smiling, middle aged woman’s eyes.  Her eyes shone with a glint of someone who knows; someone who has been to those scary places and lived to tell about it.  Being in a place of fear myself, I bought the book, hoping to learn her secret.  The secret to overcoming my fears.

Her writing was easy to read — warm, compassionate, even funny.  She talked about her life, her challenges, her pain and her triumphs.  She shared methods she learned or discovered which allowed her to put her fears into perspective.

The biggest jewel I came away with is a mental exercise to be done when triggered emotionally.  When you feel your emotions rise, unpleasantly, as they do with fear for example, you pause and remove the story for a moment.  Literally you imagine the story that is triggering your emotion being removed from where you are and set to the side.   Once you do this you can feel the energy purely, without the story, and you can see that it is only energy with a particular signature; the signature of fear.  Realizing how much of what you are feeling is simply a strong energy with a fingerprint of a feeling helps you allow that energy to dissipate.

You can also go a step further, as my teacher Tom Brown Jr. explained, and set the feeling or emotion aside as well, to then feel the energy purely, without the emotion or feeling or story attached.  The pure energy is nothing to be afraid of and once that is understood, easy to release.

Having control of that energy is incredibly helpful in overcoming fear.

The most difficult part of this mental exercise is REMEMBERING TO DO IT when the emotions rise!

Give it a try.  I would love to hear how it works for you.  Or share something that has helped you overcome your fears.

 

Dealing with Depression

I recently made a comment in another persons website about one of the ways I deal with depression so I thought I would share it here.
I have an approach called Focusing which I learned from my teacher Tom Brown Jr. (which approach I received by going out and going to Wilderness Survival classes at Trackerschool). The concept of focusing is also taught in a basic way in a book called Focusing, but Tom took us further in the exercise.
First, you get yourself in a quiet place away from others, preferably in nature, be quiet for a minute, just enjoying relaxing, then after a few minutes, ask yourself, “How am I feeling?” and surrender to the first feeling that comes up. If the first feeling that comes up is, “Fine, I feel fine.” Say to yourself, “No, really, how are you REALLY feeling?” Then in a VERY LOVING, NON JUDGMENTAL way, you say, “That’s good to know!” Then you ask, “Why am I feeling this way?”, and surrender to the answer that comes to you. Again, no judgement, only love and understanding. Say, “Well, that’s good to know!.”
Next, you set that feeling off to the side and you say to yourself, “Great, now aside from that, How am I feeling?” and surrender to the next feeling that comes up. Once you identify the next feeling, in a very loving, understanding, non judgmental way, say to yourself, “Good, that’s good to know. So why am I feeling this way?” Surrender to the answer and acknowledge that answer with love and understanding.
Next, you set those first feelings aside and say to yourself, “OK, Aside from those, How am I feeling?” Surrender to the answer. Again, in a very loving understanding way say to yourself, “Good, that’s good to know! Now, why am I feeling this way?” Surrender to the answer and acknowledge it with gratitude.
Tom told us to peel back AT LEAST 4 layers of feelings as a minimum, but he also told us, “When you think you have gone as far as you can go, keep going.”
More likely you will find many, many layers of feelings and reasons why.
This is peeling back the layers that make up that confusing mix of feelings which may be making you feel stuck, depressed, or confused. Bringing the individual emotions up and the why’s behind them, is healing because those feelings are being acknowledged in a very understanding way. There are reasons why we feel the way we do.
The first time I did this exercise we were given 45 minutes. I kept being distracted after the first 10 minutes or so. We were each sitting out in nature away from anyone else. It was very difficult to stay on task of peeling back the layers of feelings, but each layer was a revelation to one degree or another. I had no idea each of those individual feelings were carrying on at the same time, contributing to how I was feeling overall. It’s almost funny, looking back, I would uncover a feeling and the way behind it, and get caught up in thoughts about it and completely forget I was doing an exercise! Then I would remember, and almost be startled that I had forgotten that fact! Then I would go to the next layer. Going deeper was difficult for some reason. I couldn’t imagine there could be another layer, but there always was! And the deeper I got, the more surprised I was at what feeling was in that layer (I kept going with dogged determination because I paid a lot of money for that class and I wasn’t about to waste any of my time learning all I could)!!
Then the jewel . . . under all the feelings, I found myself. I had no idea until then who I really was. I can’t describe to you how I felt when I saw myself for who I really am, but I can say it was good, and I couldn’t stop weeping in absolute joy!
When they called us back in to the lecture hall, I couldn’t stop crying. Tom said, “It’s about time you got rid of all that sh#*!” I don’t know if he understood I was crying for joy or not, but the experience was life changing.
Before Tom sent us out to do this exercise, he told us to write down the feelings and the why’s as they came up. Once the exercise was done, he had us go through the list of feelings and circle the one that felt the most important to us. For many the most important feeling was not the first one we felt come up. He had us circle it and write a little #1 by it. Then we went through the list again, looking for the one that felt most important aside from the first feeling that was circled. When we found the next one that felt most important, we circled it and put a #2 by it. We continued circling and numbering the feelings until we felt we had circled all the important ones.
By doing the second half of this exercise, circling the most important feelings to us, we might be surprised which feelings are most important or strongest, and which feelings that have not been circled are clouding or hiding our most important feelings.
Some logistics:
Sometimes the same feeling may come up more than once. Typically because of a different “Why?” That’s fine just write it down.
Sometimes we may hover with a feeling for awhile before wanting or being able to move on to the next one. That’s perfectly all right, that feeling just needs a little more time to be acknowledged before setting it to the side and moving on to the next feeling.
Sometimes you may not have any feeling come up. That has happened to me more than once in the past. What I do is say to myself, “OK, that feeling is not ready to be seen, or I am not ready to see it . . . that’s good to know.” and I set it aside and move to the next one.
The most important thing to remember is to not be judgmental of yourself for your feelings. They are there and they are valid to you because you are feeling them. There will most likely be baggage contributing to some of your feelings, and that is all great and part of the layers you’re peeling back. It is all good. Digging deep, through it all, is a very introspective approach, and therapeutic, and healing.
One of the things that makes this exercise such a jewel to me is that underneath all the feelings, I found the purity of me. I don’t know if others will experience the same thing, but I do believe that under all those emotions and reasons for the feelings, our true selves exist: pure, beautiful, amazing, powerful, undimmed, and beyond description. So peel away, be patient, enjoy the comfort of being able to feel your feelings and love yourself fully and unconditionally no matter what you are feeling. There is a reason you have your feelings, and you can be a comfort to yourself, but your feelings are not you. You are underneath all the feelings, at the core. YOU are truly amazing!
At one time I thought that if I only know who I really was, spiritually, I would be able to handle anything. I have to admit that has not been the case. I still struggle and find myself knocked off balance. I still get depressed at times, always because I fear something. I can say, however, peeling back the feelings and getting the mix separated out, helps me identify what’s really going on. Awareness in an incredible tool.
Thanks for letting me share, and I hope you can try this for yourself!