Wahls Protocol : Day 15, Rationalization

Yesterday, after days of low energy, I had had enough of feeling tired.  I had my grandkids here, asking to help me . . . no . . . begging to help me so they could earn video game time.  I decided I really just needed to eat some chocolate so I would have enough energy to be able to direct their energy toward productivity.  It was one of those ox in the mire moments.  So I ate my chocolate — the bar I had hidden away to use for medicinal purposes only — and I’m not sorry about it.

Today I called my doctor’s office to get the results of my last blood test to see if my thyroid medicine was doing any good.  I have been trying different ones for almost a year now.

“Well,” they said, “it has been helping, you are closer to normal.”

“But I am not in the normal range yet?” I asked.

“No, but you are getting closer and the doctor said to continue with your medication as prescribed,” the lady in the doctor’s office said.  “In about 6 weeks we can get your blood rechecked.”

“I’ve been taking this dose for three months now,” I pointed out, just in case she didn’t realize it.

“Oh, yes,” she acknowledged after looking at my chart some more, “I see that you have been on this dose for three months already.  Hmmm.  Well, the doctor said you should continue on this dose.”

“Does it accumulate in the body so the longer I take it the more normal my hormones are?” I asked.

“Yeah, I think so.  You’ll have to ask the doctor about that when you come in again,” she hedged.

I said, “Ok, I guess for now I’ll just have to eat chocolate for energy.”

She didn’t seem to know what to say to my smart aleck remark and got off the phone with a quick, “Ok, goodbye.”

In all honesty I have to say I am glad I was able to get so much done today and yesterday.  I couldn’t have done it without my old friend chocolate.  After the work was done and I was relaxing, I felt happy.  I remembered hearing people say that chocolate is an anti depressant.  I have to agree.  Maybe that’s how people who drink coffee feel.  I understand much better now.

So my rationalization, for now, is that eating chocolate when I need the extra energy is ok until I figure something better out.  Melanie has something for me to try: some herbs and seaweed and lots of other good stuff.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  Having children who can teach me is so wonderful!

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Wahls Protocol : Day 11, Anger is a Monkey Wrench!

Following a diet is most challenging to me when I am either busy with a project and don’t want to take the time to make special food, or when I get mad.  I got angry yesterday, and in my anger I went in and ate a donut and a brownie!  I didn’t call my daughters, who are my help line; I didn’t stop and analyze why my anger was throwing me off; I just ate the goodies as if somehow I was somehow punishing someone.  As if I were saying, “Hah!  So there!  Now see what you made me do!”  And there was some smugness involved.

Thinking about it later I wondered why messing up my healthy diet was triggered by anger.  One of my mentors, Tom Frank, who taught my sweat lodge class, once told me, “When you think you are angry at someone, you are really angry at yourself.”

I thought about what Tom had said and I wondered how being mad at someone meant I was really mad at myself.  How could I be mad at myself?  I’m not the one who did the awful thing!  Looking deeply I realized that although I may be angry at someone else for what they did, I am also angry at myself for what I did, what I didn’t do, or what I allowed someone else to do to me.  What Tom said was true.  There was always an element of being angry with myself when I have been angry with someone else.

Perhaps getting mad at someone else triggered me to be angry at myself for letting someone get to me, being frustrated, feeling impotent, feeling misunderstood or abused.  My anger was with myself for not knowing how to deal with the situation effectively.  I began to self destruct.

Or, on the other hand, perhaps eating the comfort food was simply a reach for comfort during my stress of being angry.  But if that were true, why would I feel like I was punishing someone by eating unhealthy food?

Eating the donut and brownie yesterday did not make me feel better, though.  I felt more tired than I have been lately.  Good to know.

Day 2 Wahls Protocol (day 1 was yesterday, when I wrote “I’m such a hypocrite!”)

Today I felt completely sapped of energy and strength.  Probably not because of eating healthier, but most likely because all the chocolate and sugar has worn off!  I spent most of the day sleeping.  Cheryl and Amber and Kaylee took care of the horses.  I wondered if I could stick to the diet.  I worried that without chocolate and sugar I would have no energy.  I had to remind myself that I am just recovering from many days of pushing myself with stimulants and sweets, and that after I recover, I will feel more energy.

I will also take more time to study the concepts and get the proportions correct.  Right now I am just eating what I know is not taboo.

This evening I began to feel a little better so I made a frozen fruit smoothie with coconut milk.  A real treat.  The rest of the day, I ate bananas or what other people fixed, and I slept most of the day.