That’s how I felt this morning.
I was rested but just didn’t want to face the day. There was nothing pressing I had to do for anyone else, but I felt stressed and awful!
I decided to do the focusing meditation Tom Brown Jr., my teacher at Trackerschool, taught me, to separate the individual emotions that make up the mix of emotions we experience.
The method is this: While in a quiet place, alone, preferably in nature, you ask yourself in the most loving, non judgmental, kind manner, “How am I feeling?” and surrender (to surrender is to go to nothingness, no thought, no image, no agenda and see what comes to you) to the first emotion that presents itself.
If you get, “Well, I feel just fine,” then say to yourself, “Yeah, right! How am I REALLY feeling?” and surrender to the real answer. Then ask yourself, “Why? Why am I feeling this way?” and surrender to the answer. Then you make note of it on paper if you like, or in your mind, and set it aside in your mind. Next, say to yourself, “Aside from that, How am I feeling?” and surrender to the answer. Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” Make note of it, and set it aside in your mind. Then ask yourself, “Aside from those, how am I feeling?” and surrender to the next emotion or feeling that comes to the surface. When the emotion or feeling presents itself, ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” and make a note of it and set it aside in your mind . . . and on and on.
If at some point you get nothing in return, realize there is some reason you are not allowing yourself to know about that layer, which is just fine. Say to yourself, “OK, good to know,” set it aside and go on to the next layer.
When Tom had us do this, he gave us a full 45 minutes on this exercise. I got distracted a lot as I went deeper and deeper, and had to struggle to bring myself back to the exercise. He told us, “When you think you have gone deep enough, go deeper.” This exercise is VERY healing and helps you to see what is contributing to the mix of emotions which are affecting you right now.
–If you go deep enough, you may find something completely unexpected that will change your life.
The emotions that are affecting you now change with time. Each day will probably be different, but you may find some consistencies too.
When you are finished with the exercise, there is more you can do with it. Tom taught us to go through the list and ask yourself, “Which one of these emotions is the most powerful right now?” and circle it and put a 1 by it. Then go through the list and ask, “Aside from that one, which one is most powerful or most important right now?” and circle it and put a 2 by it. Do this until it feels like the most important ones are circled.
If the ones circled are positive emotions you can ask, “What more can I learn about this?” and surrender to an answer. The answer may come in an image, a feeling, an emotion, a complete knowing. You can ask again and again, going through layers of learning about this positive thing. You can do this about individual emotions or about the group of emotions. I think doing both would give the greatest understanding.
If the ones circles are negative emotions or feelings you can ask, “How can I heal this?” and surrender to an answer. This question can be asked again and again until you feel you have gotten what you need for help in healing. You can do this about an individual negative emotion or about a group of negative emotions. I think it would be beneficial to do both the individual emotions or feelings and the group for the greatest understanding.
Back to my exercise today . . .
The first layer showed me that I was feeling very frustrated — because I had too much I wanted to accomplish and not enough hours in the day, week, month to accomplish everything, and I felt a pressure or expectation from myself but also because I believed others expected things of me.
The second layer showed me I felt calm, relaxed, not worried — because none of that is really important
The third layer showed me I was angry, roaring, holding up the rafters of my house, wanting to break it to pieces! Not caring if I died! — because of my frustration and bottled up anger from past things. (In my dream interpretations, my houses seem to represent my life.)
The fourth layer I felt like a quiet, small, amber red, elliptical shape, and very happy to be alive — because that is more real, that is more the essence of my true feelings.
That was all I needed for today. I realized the second and fourth layers were the most important and powerful ones for me and to let the other ones go. To do things as I can, with joy, and not worry.
We get trained in life to focus and stress on things that are not really that important in the long run and that can cause a great deal of internal strife! Realizing how wonderful it is to simply be here, experiencing everything, can make such a difference.
If you want to read more about my first understanding this because I remembered how I felt when I was coming to be in the physical world, click here.