My sister finished her term at school and has come to stay with me for the summer. This little bit of heaven, the partially finished corner of my cottage art studio, is perfect for her bohemian spirit. She loves to feel the breeze at night and watch the stars as she goes to sleep.
Digging out a bush is hard work! With my health so poor that exertion makes me winded and my heart race, having a crew of young men is an amazing thing.
When my two young grandchildren begged to stay with me for a couple days, I warned them I would put them to work. They eagerly agreed so today we are creating a space for the next vegetable herb garden.
I am very proud of them. I give them breaks every hour to play games for 30 minutes, and then we get back to work. We will have ice cream treats when we’re finished.
Update: after trying to pull the stump out with the truck, and having the rope break, my grandson put his back against the wall and pushed with his feet and knocked the stump loose. It was only a matter of minutes until they had pulled it completely out.
When Melanie left I felt sad, partly because I would miss her and partly because I wanted us to keep working on the art studio!!! We put one of the 8 paned windows in before she left, and I put the other one in the next day with the help of my sister, niece, and daughter.
Today I decided to make needed repairs on the structure surrounding the area intended for the French doors and also create a space to install the doors. I was so happy that I had the strength and energy to work on this section without Melanie helping me. My son Ryan helped when I needed an extra hand, and so did my niece and her son. It doesn’t look like much yet but I can see the finished product in my mind, and this cottage art studio is going to be beautiful!
Seeing and helping parents work on projects like this is so good for kids, too. One nice thing about homeschooling is the kids are home to see and help with whatever project we are doing. Melanie says watching and helping me work on projects while growing up gave her the confidence to tackle similar projects in her own home. Seeing her work on this cottage with me the other day was sure proof of that, she was the boss lady and I was the helper!
Knowing how easily I tire, my daughters Melanie and Melissa talked to me about going forward with this construction in a “Zen” way. Work when I have the energy, rest when I need to, and enjoy each step of the process. It’s all about the journey.
I scheduled an appointment with a therapist about a week ago (if I am suffering from conversion disorder, therapy is key in recovery) and one of the things she said to me before we got off the phone was, “I also do medical hypnotism which I think could help you get better.” My first reaction was panic and the thought ran through my head, ‘I don’t want to get better!’
That deserved some exploring. I began by asking myself why I didn’t want to get better. In surrendering deeply to the question and feeling what my core feelings were, I realized that I believed if I got better I would have to do things I don’t want to do . . . like living in Florida again, going to work outside my home away from my children, spending my time fulfilling other people’s expectations of me instead of doing what brings me joy. Those answers were very revealing.
In knowing what was causing me to be afraid of getting well, I also realized that those fears no longer had any foundation. Maybe I needed an excuse in the beginning to move to Oregon, stay home and rest, and do the things that bring me joy, but not any more. I can continue living in a way that brings me joy and not worry about what other people expect, or think, of me.
Yesterday I weighed 161 pounds; today I weighed 163 pounds.
Yesterday, for the first time, I ate some cooked meat on this diet. I ate several pieces of Kentucky fried chicken without the skin. It was so delicious. I had three or four pieces of dark meat at about 7 PM and then two or three more pieces at about 9 PM. I felt stuffed each time but I felt ravenous for it once I started eating it. It tasted so good until the last piece each time, then I just felt too full. I am glad I ate them, though, because I got that out of my system.
I am very happily back on my diet today.
This morning I weighed 162 pounds, a loss of 13 pounds since I began the diet a month ago.
I have passed the 28 day cleanse timetable and am continuing with this diet to lose more weight and continue cleansing. The book says it is OK to continue until you are satisfied with your weight and feel like you have accomplished your goals.
I am gradually feeling better and I hope to regain full health. I still have yet to gather all the herbs the various chapters suggest! I tallied all the most recommended herbs and foods and “wild” blueberries topped the list. You can find WILD blueberries in the freezer section in most grocery stores. They are supposed to be much better than tame ones.
Today I finally made a salad to mix it up and have something other than smoothies and herbal tea and nuts and fruit. I still used similar ingredients but the texture was refreshing. I used chopped spinach, celery, avocado, banana, cucumber, raisins, walnuts, sesame seeds, hemp seeds, turmeric powder, parsley, and garlic. It was delicious!!
A few days ago I made a dessert of powdered chlorella, powdered spirulina, coconut oil, coconut flakes, stevia leaves, hemp seeds, flax seeds, dried apricots, raisins, brazil nuts, and honey. It tasted a little bit like peanut butter and honey cookie dough. I made it to keep from eating sweet treats that the rest of the family was having, but they helped me eat my sweet treat too!
When my husband and I bought this house, from Melanie and her husband, it came with a workshop. I decided I wanted to turn it into a an art studio so my sister Cheryl and I begin brainstorming ideas. Of course it would need lots of windows for natural lighting.
Melanie was here yesterday, and today, and energetically suggested we start working on the renovations. Melanie and I took out some walls and are installing huge windows for the natural light an art studio needs.
Besides an art studio, this cottage will also house a guest room and stables for a couple horses! Updates coming as we progress.
This morning I weighed 164 pounds. In the last 10 days I was at 165 pounds most of the time.
I am sticking to the 28 day cleanse religiously. I have some days of more energy and some days of very little energy. I still need to add many of the herbs mentioned in the book.
I sure got a big bang for my few bucks when I bought these two little packets of wildflower seeds. I was worried they wouldn’t sprout because it took them a long time, but I have watered them faithfully and finally they emerged.
It seems that each day, much to my delight, a new type of wildflower is blooming!
“Dot” people is a term used by a Kirk Duncan, a lecturer who works to help people improve their lives and relationships.
The voices, spirits, influences, energies, whatever you want to call them . . . that speak to us in our heads are typically present in everyone’s life. You know, that little voice in the back of your head. The one saying, “There’s no voice in the back of my head!” We may think they are all our voice, but they are many voices, possibly from our past memories, but also possibly from good or bad forces working to help us, or influence us negatively.
Some of the voices are good and guide us well if we listen. Once, when I was getting ready to drive, I heard a little voice in my head say, “Maybe you should let John drive, if you drive you will get a ticket.” I responded in my head, nonchalantly, with, “Well, I will just be extra careful”. I got in the car and drove, with John as my passenger, and I got pulled over for speeding in a construction zone. I had not seen the sign. I got a ticket.
Some voices are not helpful — the ones Kirk Duncan calls the Dot people — they criticize, condemn, judge, flatter, etc. Those are the voices that say things like, “You are better than the rest,” or, “You’re so selfish,” or, “You are so lame.”
What I realized tonight is that the positive, good influence voices, speak in a non abusive way; and the critical, bad influence voices, or Dot people speak in an abusive way.
“The Verbally Abusive Relationship”, a book by Patricia Evans, explains that verbal abuse comes from other people pretending to be you and saying how you feel, think, act, and what you do, did, want to do, should do, etc. For example, someone might say to you, “You should get your car fixed,” or, ” You need to get your degree,” or ” You don’t want that butter brickle ice cream, you want the vanilla.” Verbal abuse can also be a commanding voice, “Move over,” or “Get a haircut,” or, “Take out the garbage.” When one person pretends to be another, claiming to know what they think, feel, want, etc., it can be very confusing to the person they are pretending to be. When a person uses the commanding verbiage, it can cause the person hearing it to resist and feel agitated or angry.
One can learn to communicate the same ideas without being abusive. Instead of saying, “Fix your car,” one could say, “Have you considered getting your car fixed?” The idea of getting the car fixed is communicated, but not as a command or judgement, but as a suggestion.
The positive helpful voices always speak in suggestions, like: “You might need that umbrella today,” When I don’t listen, I wish I would have, because later I realize I needed the very thing that was suggested. When I listen, I’m always glad I did.
The Dot people on the other hand, speak in abusive ways; in commands, criticism, or flattery.
Realizing this confirmed to me again that Patricia Evan’s book is correct. To be a positive influence in other people’s lives, we can speak in ways that allow and encourage free agency rather than trying to control and manipulate, like the Dot people do.
One might ask, “But how can a parent control their child if a parent can’t say, ‘do this, don’t do that?'” There are ways of getting around the abusive speak and still communicate parental expectations. Instead of saying, “Go clean your room,” you could say in a noncritical tone, “How’s your room looking?” A gentle question reminds the child about the room and gives them the opportunity to think of cleaning it themselves. If the child doesn’t take the hint, or avoids, a parent can remind the child about the rules in a positive, non critical tone, “OK, once the room is clean, you can go out to play (or whatever the next activity is).” A gentle, non nagging question reminds the child without creating so many feelings of resistance.
I am grateful for authors like Patricia Evans, who figure things like this out and give me a boost in my understanding.